And Darkness I Became
by etoilecourageuse
Summary: Narcissa would do anything to protect those she loved most, and she was willing to pay any price the cruel queen would demand for her family's safety.


The potion had swiftly worked its magic. She came to them in sleep, they said, and Narcissa had barely slept for weeks, had refused to rely on magic, in the full awareness that it would destroy her, just like it had once destroyed her mother, many years ago. But now? Now, she needed the potions. Now she needed her. Of course she was afraid; would be a fool if she weren't, but the war had taught her to hold back. Had taught her to control her fears, and to hide them under any circumstances. How long they would be capable of going on she did not know, did not know when their forced strength would fall apart and come crumbling down on them, did not know when they would break. But it was only a matter of time, and the moment was close, closer than ever before.

Narcissa had sworn to herself to always protect those she loved, had sworn to herself to keep them safe under any circumstances as long as she lived, even if she were to perish in the attempt. She was willing to pay any price for her family's lives, any at all, and she did not care whether it meant her own death. Had ceased to value her life long ago, realised how little it mattered. But she wouldn't watch her husband and son fall in a war that had long lost its meaning, couldn't bear to bury them, too, couldn't bear to lose everything she had left in this world.

The potion had swiftly worked its magic. But this was not sleep… And it wasn't death; this was not death's darkness… Was she dreaming? Or had she entered her realm at last, a realm that seemed impossible to escape from? What had she done? What…

"My queen," Narcissa breathed, her body and voice trembling with cold and fright.

Had she been wise, she would have chosen another path, would have shattered the phial on the floor and spat on the liquid, would have gone to war herself and fallen in battle rather than bargain with her, the Queen of Darkness, but she wasn't. Wasn't wise, seemed blind with worry, blind with nothing but fear, fear that she was no longer capable of holding back, fear that she could read within Lucius' eyes, too.

It was always the same, night by night. Night by night she waited for him to return from wherever he had gone, night by night she prayed to any Gods that listened to her foolish solicitation to keep him unharmed, at least for another day, at least for another night, and night by night she'd restlessly pace about the corridors until exhaustion overcame her, bringing nothing but nightmares.

Only when she awoke to hear his quiet snore would she allow herself to rest, only when her hand secretly found his beneath the blankets would she willingly give in to sleep once more, whether it came to her or not.

And Draco? Draco, her beautiful son of barely seventeen, her boy whose childhood had been taken from him in such a cruel way… He seemed to slip away from her more and more, scarcely spoke to her in the rare moments he returned to his home, scarcely looked at her as though to punish her for anything he blamed her for. How could she know whether he was still alive, how could she know…

Narcissa had grown to fear the arrival of letters, would they bring nothing but message of more destruction, more despair… She dared not finish her thought that one day the owls might deliver the unspeakable.

No. No!

She needed to keep him safe, needed to keep them both safe! It was her duty… She couldn't lose them, too, couldn't lose them like she had lost her parents, couldn't lose them like she had lost Bellatrix who had given in to insanity and lost more of herself with every day passing, terrifying her beyond belief.

"My queen," Narcissa repeated, her voice no more than a whisper, slowly sinking down to her knees. How real it felt… This was not sleep… "Mab, my queen, I beg you to show yourself…"

"What is your pledge, Narcissa Malfoy?" asked a voice so suddenly that Narcissa could scarcely suppress a gasp. Still she was covered in darkness, nothing but darkness, and yet she could see her, there, right before her eyes, beautiful like Titania herself, looking at her, her black eyes full of disdain. There she was, her queen… But when Narcissa reached out her arm to take her hand into hers, to kiss her palm, she merely found darkness. "Why have you come to disturb my sleep? Do you wish to bargain with me once more?"

It hadn't changed. Nothing had changed; it was like then, then, so many years ago, when she had sought out this eerie place for the first time, so young and so foolish, so desperate. It hadn't changed…

Had Narcissa been incapable of holding back her tears when at the age of twenty-four she had so despairingly begged for a child, now she knew better than to cry, or to show any kind of weakness. Now she knew better than to look into her eyes…

"I have come to offer you my life," said Narcissa now, her voice firm and clear as though she had forgotten about her fear, as though she had forgotten about everything. "In exchange for my son and husband's safety."

Her life… Once before had she offered her life to the Queen of Darkness, and once before had she granted her what Narcissa so desperately wished for, yet for another price, a price so terrible that it was a sin to even remember. She knew better than to look into her eyes, those wide, black eyes that reminded her so much of…

Bellatrix. They were Bellatrix's eyes. The queen had not forgotten, had answered her pleas and taken what was due to her, years later.

Narcissa had sold her own sister.

"I have come to offer you my body," she continued, hoarsely again, desperately attempting not to lose control, desperately attempting not to allow fear to fully consume her. "And I have come to offer you my soul. I am yours and yours alone, willing to pay whatever price you may demand."

She had nothing to lose. What else could she sacrifice beside herself, what else was she capable of giving up? She had nothing to lose, nothing to lose at all…

"Take my hand, Narcissa."

Once more, Narcissa reached into emptiness. Yet now, so suddenly, the darkness had disappeared, now she had returned to her bedroom as though she had woken, as though she had never encountered the queen, as though nothing had happened. And there she saw him; saw Lucius, kneeling on the floor at her bedside, his face contorted with pain and grief, arms wrapped around…

She would have screamed, had she been capable. Realised that she hadn't woken, that she was still with her… And that she would always be, that she would serve her, serve Queen Mab, the Queen of Darkness, the Queen of War, forevermore, destined to sleep an eternal sleep, never to live, never to die, and never to see her family again.

"Is this the price you are willing to pay for two lives?"

How much her voice terrified Narcissa. How much… Never to see them again… Never to feel her husband's arms around her again, never to be granted the chance to bid her farewell, never to tell them how much she loved them…

She had sworn to herself to protect her family, under any circumstances. Had sworn to herself to pay whatever price it took… Safe… They would be safe…

When for the third time Narcissa raised her hand to touch her, her who could not be touched, she smiled.

"I am yours, my queen," she whispered, giving herself to the darkness.


End file.
